Interpersonal Communications Blog #4

During the last class we talked a lot about conflict and how there are many different approaches that can be taken in order to resolve it. Everyone has their own style of dealing with conflict and it goes hand in hand with their type of personality. Shyer individuals may be more prone to taking a passive aggressive approach to the situation. They can have feelings of resentment, anger, or rage that they are unable or unwilling to express directly to others. These feelings are kept to themselves. When some of my friends have problems with others they will let all the bad feelings well up inside them and go as far to ignore or avoid the people they have a problem with. I do this sometimes as well. It does not feel good though. I’m convinced it’s how you end up with an ulcer. Once the problem is resolved you feel so relieved, but at the same time you feel like all your energy has been drained from worrying so much. It’s not considered a healthy approach to a conflict because it often does not resolve the situation because the other party may not even be aware the conflict is happening, and the poor person holding in all those emotions can make themselves sick. On the flip side more outspoken individuals could end up approaching a situation in a more directly aggressive way. Direct aggression can be a person attacking another through character attacks, competence attacks, physical appearance attacks, maledictions, teasing, ridicule, threats, swearing, and nonverbal emblems. I imagine the people who take this approach as pit vipers. They lash out in order to win and have no mercy for the person on the receiving end of the poisonous commentary. Yet, though the approach is labeled as mean in nature, this approach does lay everything out in the open clearly. It can be very harmful to people on the receiving end though, as well as to the relationship. I personally hate conflict with a passion and I am fortunate enough to have friends that hate it as well. When it is necessary for me to step into a conflict situation I will do it, but not happily. I try to be the easy going accommodating friend that lets majority of things go in order to avoid conflict at all costs. That does not mean I let people walk over me though. As my sister says “I would destroy them so fast” if my friends ever tried to yell at me or went straight to aggressively placing blame before calmly speaking to me about it first. My friends know me well enough to know I will immediately get defensive because I try so hard not to do anything to make them mad at me. On a normal day, I can calmly talk things through and bite my tongue even if the situation they are involving me in is ridiculous. I mediate conflicts between my friends very often. I don’t like when people fight, and I honestly can’t stand it. It makes me sick to my stomach that friendships/relationships can be torn apart by a single thing you’ve done. That’s why I typically play the easygoing card. I never want it to be my fault that someone leaves me. With all that seriousness aside I think its really funny nowadays when my sister and I fight. It’s more of a joke to us now, but when we were younger we used to have scream fights that ended with the slamming of doors and not speaking for days. The other day I asked my sister if she thought she was a directly aggressive person when we fight sometimes. My mom walked into the room and started listening in on our conversation. My big sister replies that she’s never aggressive and my mom and I burst out laughing. Mom immediately said, “Sometimes you can be a bit aggressive dear. More in situations between you and your sister though.” I’m glad I’m not the only one that sees it! I have noticed she can be really directly aggressive towards me when we fight. It’s like a switch gets pulled and it’s a hunger games competition to the death on who will win. Our personalities are polar opposites and always have been. Her and I both love people, but I’m not really a social butterfly in the way she is. She often speaks her mind and will shut me down so fast if she doesn’t like what I’m saying. I am more passive in the way that I keep things to myself and try to avoid fighting with her. This is hard because I always feel like she’s egging me on or attacking me, which makes me immediately want to “win” the argument too. Typically, if whatever we’re fighting about is a small matter I let her have her way because it’s much easier and less complaining I have to hear later. When my sister and I are on good terms is when I have the most fun with her and my family. Small losses are welcomed if I can make happy memories with them in the long run.