Interpersonal Com Blog #6

One of the number one things you should feel leery about bringing up in public is most definitely politics. This election season is no exception. If anything, I’d say the tension about who to vote for is stronger than it’s ever been. The candidate’s personalities are polar opposites, as well as the majority of their supporter’s beliefs. It has created several problems that will surely become worse after the election is over. Will each sides supporters be able to accept “defeat” if the other side ends up the victor? Hopefully the divide in America’s people will be able to be patched up. During the final debate my class and I watched as both candidates passionately debated their causes and became even ruthless towards one another. Many TV show hosts said that this debate was Trumps best. Others say that Hilary definitely held her own and her strong composure was what made her seem to triumph over Trump. There were many uncomfortable moments of nonverbal communication that occurred during the debate. It all started with the looks they exchanged with each other followed by breaking years of tradition by not shaking each other’s hands. That showed just how personal these campaigns have gotten. Trump was seen making a type of gestures called manipulators. He kept looking down and shuffling through his notecards, drinking water, and the constant heavily breathing/sniffling while he was talking. When Hilary was faced with uneasiness at what Trump was saying, or if she thought what he was saying was ridiculous she would make a sort of laughing/smiling face. When this would happen they would cut the camera from her face because she was heavily criticized for it in previous debates. Trump also tried to keep a more composed face due to his vast criticisms about his death stare he had towards Hilary in the previous debates. Hilary speaks very concisely and seems to be able to flow her sentences very well with few “ums” or “uhs” unless she was caught off guard by Trump. Trump tends to use more casual speech which included several vocalized pauses or “uhs” and “ums.” I noticed he often repeats his statements twice to try to get a point across, or just to cut Hilary off. He did this when speaking about the abortion topic. He repeated the gruesome comment about ripping a baby out of the womb on the last day before its due. When he makes bold statements he uses the shock value to take away from Hilary’s counters. Another time he repeated himself was when he says the phrase “Believe me” or “Wrong.” Both candidates were guilty of getting louder in order to speak over one another. It was like watching children trying to plead their case to their mom about who did what. At one point while talking about foreign policy Hilary said Trump would be a puppet president. He spat back “I’m not a puppet, you’re a puppet.” Honestly I laughed a little. It made me think about when my sister and I were younger and we’d have the argument “I’m not stupid, you are!” Hilary used many understatements in her speeches when describing Trump’s behaviors to make a shock value impact. While Trump stayed with his strategy of stating Hilary’s behaviors again and again to make sure she had to re-explain her innocence all over again. (Especially about the emails.) While Trump got at Hilary for the emails, she personally attacked him about his “locker room talk” scandal. Both candidates definitely came to fight. Not in an entirely professional way either. They used avoidance tactics and were not afraid to be at each other’s throats. We as a nation have to be prepared for this next presidency. It is very important to go out and vote. I know many people have been saying “But my vote won’t matter.” Yes, yes it still does. So please go and try to pick a candidate or let them know if you refuse to vote, but go and write it on the ballot then. At least you showed initiative that you went out to support your country even if you were displeased with the candidates conduct. So go out and vote!!!    

Interpersonal Communications Blog #5

We hear a lot of sounds everyday, but it’s not until you begin to listen that you are able to transform those sounds and decode them. Certain sounds transform into language, while others may blend into background noise. When you walk down the street and truly listen, what kinds of things do you hear? Listen for comfortable everyday chatter. Then listen for more unique in-depth interactions. Did you overhear a passionate confession between two partners or maybe a lover’s quarrel on a front stoop? When the mailman was talking to the old woman on the corner, did he stop to actually listen to how her day was going after he asked, or did his response feel robotically programmed? We hear sounds, but we do not always put in the effort to actually listen to them. In many cases, people love to talk about their days, yet when the tables are flipped we do not always want to listen to how other people’s were. Mindless listening occurs when a person reacts to another’s message automatically and routinely, without much personal investment. I am guilty of mindless listening to others, just as they have done it to me. It is impossible to be one hundred percent invested in every conversation you have twenty-four seven. You would be so worn out. So never get too down on yourself for accidentally doing it, but being aware of how often you do it is important. People appreciate heartfelt feedback to the things they took the time to share with you. So even on your worst days, where nothing has gone right and you are ready to blow your top, listen to the things they have to say with a smile and talk with them about their day. When you support others, they will more often than not support you back. Give them a couple minutes of your time and really listen to what they have to say. Then they will listen to what you have to say in return. By you actively listening to them, it tells them you value them. Another way to show people you value them is letting them know that you can recall previous information they have disclosed to you. For example, saying to your friend that hates chocolate, “I remembered you don’t like chocolate so I got us sugar cookies instead.” Remembering the little things someone told you gives them a special feeling and makes them more inclined to remember things about you. It shows that not only were you listening, but you took the care to remember that fact about them. I personally love when people take the time to remember things I’ve told them. I try very hard to write down important things about my friends (Birthdays, favorite colors, etc.) so that if my memory ever fails me, I always have them. I like to believe that my ability to recall what my friends say has helped me strengthen relationships with them. Now on the flip side, an example of listening that can breakdown relationships is called selective listening. Selective listening is only listening to parts of remarks that interest us and rejecting everything else. We do this when we hear commercials on television while listening for the show we were watching to come back on. You most likely couldn’t tell us anything about that commercial, because all you were listening for was the cue that your show was back on. Another form of listening is called pseudolistening. Pseudolistening is an imitation of actually listening. It is like an act put on to fool the speaker. You give the appearance that you are attentive to what they are saying and may even use a nod or a smile every now or again. Yet, your mind is elsewhere. I admit to doing this when my mother gives me a verbal list of things to complete that’s more than three jobs long, or when my sister is lecturing me. Later I find myself asking, “What was I supposed to be doing today?” or “What was my sister yelling at me about?” I am worse about it when I’m tired. My attention span goes out the window and I only hear things that I deem important in that moment. Stress and exhaustion are major causes of people switching into mindless, selective, or pseudolistening modes. It may be super frustrating when you’re on the receiving end, but let’s face it. We all are guilty of doing it. It’s important to be understanding about it to a certain extent. After all, we are only human. Listen to what people have to say and don’t take their words for granted. You don’t know what words could be someone’s last.

Interpersonal Communications Blog #4

During the last class we talked a lot about conflict and how there are many different approaches that can be taken in order to resolve it. Everyone has their own style of dealing with conflict and it goes hand in hand with their type of personality. Shyer individuals may be more prone to taking a passive aggressive approach to the situation. They can have feelings of resentment, anger, or rage that they are unable or unwilling to express directly to others. These feelings are kept to themselves. When some of my friends have problems with others they will let all the bad feelings well up inside them and go as far to ignore or avoid the people they have a problem with. I do this sometimes as well. It does not feel good though. I’m convinced it’s how you end up with an ulcer. Once the problem is resolved you feel so relieved, but at the same time you feel like all your energy has been drained from worrying so much. It’s not considered a healthy approach to a conflict because it often does not resolve the situation because the other party may not even be aware the conflict is happening, and the poor person holding in all those emotions can make themselves sick. On the flip side more outspoken individuals could end up approaching a situation in a more directly aggressive way. Direct aggression can be a person attacking another through character attacks, competence attacks, physical appearance attacks, maledictions, teasing, ridicule, threats, swearing, and nonverbal emblems. I imagine the people who take this approach as pit vipers. They lash out in order to win and have no mercy for the person on the receiving end of the poisonous commentary. Yet, though the approach is labeled as mean in nature, this approach does lay everything out in the open clearly. It can be very harmful to people on the receiving end though, as well as to the relationship. I personally hate conflict with a passion and I am fortunate enough to have friends that hate it as well. When it is necessary for me to step into a conflict situation I will do it, but not happily. I try to be the easy going accommodating friend that lets majority of things go in order to avoid conflict at all costs. That does not mean I let people walk over me though. As my sister says “I would destroy them so fast” if my friends ever tried to yell at me or went straight to aggressively placing blame before calmly speaking to me about it first. My friends know me well enough to know I will immediately get defensive because I try so hard not to do anything to make them mad at me. On a normal day, I can calmly talk things through and bite my tongue even if the situation they are involving me in is ridiculous. I mediate conflicts between my friends very often. I don’t like when people fight, and I honestly can’t stand it. It makes me sick to my stomach that friendships/relationships can be torn apart by a single thing you’ve done. That’s why I typically play the easygoing card. I never want it to be my fault that someone leaves me. With all that seriousness aside I think its really funny nowadays when my sister and I fight. It’s more of a joke to us now, but when we were younger we used to have scream fights that ended with the slamming of doors and not speaking for days. The other day I asked my sister if she thought she was a directly aggressive person when we fight sometimes. My mom walked into the room and started listening in on our conversation. My big sister replies that she’s never aggressive and my mom and I burst out laughing. Mom immediately said, “Sometimes you can be a bit aggressive dear. More in situations between you and your sister though.” I’m glad I’m not the only one that sees it! I have noticed she can be really directly aggressive towards me when we fight. It’s like a switch gets pulled and it’s a hunger games competition to the death on who will win. Our personalities are polar opposites and always have been. Her and I both love people, but I’m not really a social butterfly in the way she is. She often speaks her mind and will shut me down so fast if she doesn’t like what I’m saying. I am more passive in the way that I keep things to myself and try to avoid fighting with her. This is hard because I always feel like she’s egging me on or attacking me, which makes me immediately want to “win” the argument too. Typically, if whatever we’re fighting about is a small matter I let her have her way because it’s much easier and less complaining I have to hear later. When my sister and I are on good terms is when I have the most fun with her and my family. Small losses are welcomed if I can make happy memories with them in the long run.