Interpersonal Communication Blog 2

Ever since I was a little girl I’ve been told that I am what they refer to as an “old soul.” That’s one thing about me that has always managed to stay consistent over the years. When I was younger I was more mature than my best friends. I caught on very quickly to what personalities were and how they affect certain people’s behaviors, but I really liked to observe people quietly because I was shy. Thinking back to my childhood it’s interesting how everyone’s personalities were so pure and uncorrupted. This didn’t seem to last long though because once we settled into our different friend groups, everything changed. Our friends and family morphed our original blueprints into our own concept of ourselves based on their own perceptions of us. We all acted like little sponges absorbing what they had to say about us. It’s lovely when you are young and oblivious. You don’t think badly of yourself and you just enjoy life. Well up until someone made fun of you about something. You did not know to be self conscious. Not until someone taught you to be. My best friends were the kind of children who often bullied others and started rumors. I saw them break kids down and they eventually broke me down while they were at it too. They definitely changed me as a person. I became someone who was not strong themselves, but who was strong for others. Even though I wasn’t strong I presented myself to them as strong. I wanted others to be able to come to me for help and I never turned anyone away. I became the person who helped those people that my friends broke, pick up their pieces and rebuild. We all ended up bonding over our experiences, and so eventually I was able to pick myself back up as well. It was such a shame that I had to learn in elementary school how strongly people can change your perception of self. I was once carefree about who I was, but after they ripped me apart I strayed from who I was. Often I found myself comparing who I was and how I looked to how my best friends looked and who they were. This went on all the way into high school. I felt uncomfortable in my own skin, and like nothing I did would ever make me into anything comparable to their greatness. They shined so brightly, and I stood next to them in the shadows. Of course, they wanted me to feel this way all along. None of it was actually true at all. Their words of belittlement had just gotten to me. When they bullied me it was always behind my back. They were nice to my face, but would call me things like fat or ugly when I wasn’t around. My days of being carefree crumbled. The self consciousness set in and every move I made was hesitant so not to draw any negative attention to myself. There is a term called reflected appraisal. It’s basically looking into a metaphorical mirror and seeing what we believe others to see us as. My view of myself was awful and nothing anyone else besides what those bullies said would change it. It took so many years to regain the confidence I have nowadays. I won’t lie though, to this day everything they did to me all those years ago still haunts me. I hate thinking back to middle school and how much grief they gave me. Oddly enough though, I’d like to thank them. If they hadn’t done those things to me, I wouldn’t be who I am today. I wouldn’t be able to help all the people I was able to because I knew what it felt like to be going through what they were. In class when we did the “Who Am I” project I was really nervous of how others would see me. I felt like I was staring old feelings in the face all over again. Someone wrote that I have a nice laugh, and someone else said they though I was beautiful. I know a lot of people say things like that on a whim, but I was crying internally of happiness. My old friends used to say my laugh was ugly and I was too. It just hit me that maybe not everyone thinks that anymore. Maybe the only one who does now is me because I haven’t completely let go. I really loved that activity as well as the “My Life is a Lie” project. Both put us in a vulnerable setting but left room to be supported by our classmates. I’m very appreciative of the experience overall.      

Interpersonal Com Blog #1

The first day of Interpersonal Communication class was not what I expected at all. When I arrived I was a nervous Nelly, but that is nothing new for me. The class environment was stiff as we went through expectations and learned a bit about each other. It was not until we started talking about concepts and demonstrating them together as a class that people began to loosen up. The “We are all in this together” feeling prevailed and we all settled in. The first class definitely generated a lot of afterthought for me personally. I found myself over analyzing for the next couple days over some specific concepts we had talked about. It was very interesting to be told that we as people need conversation and interaction. In fact, we crave it. It is the very way we find out who we consider ourselves to be. Other people’s opinions of us shape the idea of who we think we are. We learned that there were two types of interactions between people. Impersonal conversations are mechanical in nature and more disconnected. Interpersonal conversations are more personalized and unique. After learning that I started thinking through my daily life and it is sad how many impersonal conversations happen during one day on a college campus. As I kept reviewing these concepts in my head though, one question seemed to stick. “Even though impersonal conversations are counted as meaningless shortened chatter, can those small conversations possibly hope to lead into having interpersonal conversations at a later point in time?” I know we said that impersonal conversations were very meaningless and do not go into much depth. They are conversations in which the two roles play into an “I- It” relationship. There is distance between the two people and conversation is more unmemorable and mechanical. This could be a result of a reluctance to speak to one person, or perhaps even on both person’s behalves. Other reasons could be a natural means of protecting oneself when talking to strangers. Not usually do you right off the bat start having an in-depth, heart felt conversation to someone. Especially anyone you deem suspicious or off in some way. That is an internal protection we have established inside us. A red flag system. Speaking to strangers generally does start with impersonal conversations first, but the conversations can switch into the interpersonal mode when people really hit it off. If you continually speak to that stranger, the relationship between person A and person B will eventually have to change in a positive or negative manner. The result will be more continuous deep conversation, or even more so nonexistent conversation. In interpersonal conversations, the two roles play as two unique individuals. Both people interact with one another and go in-depth with their honest feelings. I admit that when impersonal conversations happen to me I often find myself thinking, “Wow that conversation was pointless, but it was great to see so and so.” Even though the conversation itself had no real meaning or significance, the fact that it happened, meant something to me. When enough of those conversations occur, it opens the gateways for new possible interpersonal conversations to blossom. After learning about interpersonal conversations I was immediately able to recall very special and meaningful conversations that I had experienced in the past. Communication between people really is interesting. You are constantly inside a walking linear communication model, or a transactional one. This all depends on the type of person you are. Some people are better at listening and others are more suited to taking charge of the conversation. Everyday you have a chance to have amazing conversations with friends, family, or future friends. I purposely do not wear headphones when walking to my classes because I genuinely like having short impersonal conversations as I go about my day. I know they are pretty meaningless when you are only viewing the basic passing words that were shared, but the general acknowledgment of both parties was there. Seeing a new classmate for the first time outside of class you do not always have much to say to one another in the beginning and the “protection mode” from strangers might still be on. Yet, gradually the two students speak to one another multiple times using impersonal communication, then the conversation becomes more comfortable and it switches into a more personal sense of communication. So who is to say that it is really worthless chatter at all then? If it can lead to such great relationships in the future, or even possibly to the two people hating each others guts from the moment they both spoke, is it truly meaningless? Seems to me like impersonal conversations are important first impressions. It can be the short words shared while “testing the waters.” They are the start of what will later make or break a friendship, a lovers relationship, or even a mutual bond between co-workers. There is a lot of power in language. Whether that be silent body language, or verbal outspoken language. Communication is key. In class we learned that it is basically impossibly not to communicate with one another. My professor had a student go up in front of the class with the instructions to not interact whatsoever with us. This included no facial expressions or words. The student went up and stared at all of us while having his hands in both his pants pockets. He tried to keep a calm presence but it was not long until awkwardness set into the air and the class’ uncomfortableness made them start to giggle. With all of us giggling, the student played off our reaction and made a face at us. It really is a fun concept that no matter what we do to try to stop ourselves, we will always end up communicating. Communication can be unintentional like how the student in front of the class naturally just reacted to the class’ laughter by making a face. It can also be intentional. An example of intentional communication can be a student asking for a professor’s constructive criticism on a project they were assigned. Whether it is intentional or not, our behaviors send messages out. These messages are sent through our channels and are received by others through their channels. Communication is important and necessary for our everyday lives. We use it to survive, but also to gain from it. It helps us grow as people, and help others to grow as well. I will do my best going forward not to self-monitor myself into the ground when I attempt to speak to others. Instead, I will try to speak more and continue to learn more from the people around me.