Interpersonal com blog 7

Last week we talked a lot about relationships. When you start talking to a new person, what do you notice first? Some people will say they noticed the person’s outward appearance first, and others may say they noticed the person’s personality first. Whether we agree with it or not, most first impressions are made on the person’s outward appearance though. Unless I talk to the person on the phone first before meeting them in person, I will even admit to sometimes judging people by their outward appearances. In the early stages of a relationship, appearance can play a big role. This isn’t just in romantic relationships either. This can go for all types of relationships. When you meet a boss for the first time you wouldn’t want to seem unprofessional, so how do you dress? Usually to impress. I dress much nicer than I would on a regular day and do my hair up a lot more than usual. When you meet an important person even your typical way to converse with the changes. We are taught to become different versions of ourselves in order to address our day to day life situations. When you meet a new friend for the first time do you ever find yourself on your best behavior? Maybe even talking differently than you would with say a friend you’ve known for many years? It is possible that that the reason you sought out the friendship was because of your similarity or polar opposite behavior of them. We like people who are like us, but they also say “opposites attract.” It is actually very common for people to “seek out” or find others that are similar to themselves. At the same time people who are polar opposite can also provide the same amount of stimulation in the friendship. Obviously there will always be exceptions to these claims, but we do typically just like people who like us. I had friends in the past that had people saying they hated them from school. Most often my friend would respond with, well I hate that person too so whatever! It’s a defense mechanism we all have to protect ourselves. If someone hates you, aren’t you more likely to fall back on the fact that they dislike you and start to dislike them as well? I can’t say I’ve never felt that way. I do my best to never hate people though. I can allow myself to hate what the person has done, but I can’t hate the person. It doesn’t seem right to me. Hate is like a poisonous plant in your heart. It grows and grows until your heart is being strangled by its vines. Anyway so in relationships with others, one easy way to tell how close the people are, is literally their distance from one another. When you meet someone for the first time, you typically are not all up in their bubble. I wouldn’t be, but you do you. When people who are very used to that kind of physical closeness breech someone else’s bubble it seriously weirds us out. It goes against our social norms as a society. Now, for people who are dating, family, or close friends, we can totally understand why their would be a physical closeness. Proximity is key. You can also tell how close two people are on the amount of disclosure they share with one another. Not everyone prefers to share, but even with those people, their close friends will know more than the rest of the world will ever know. Relationships are pretty complex and fragile things to me. They’re precious because they can change at any moment.