Final Blog

Well time to get a little sappy. I can honestly say that taking this course is up there in the top 5 classes I’ve liked at this school. I really enjoyed all the activities we did and I felt that they were taught to us in a very engaging way. Taking a jumbo was not my first choice. By the way the class was run though, it flew by so fast! I learned a lot from this course and from my professor. As we go through life we should be proactive in it and always challenging ourselves to become better versions of ourselves. I learned that no matter how much we try not to communicate with each other, its impossible not to. We will always be communicating with each other. Even someone actively trying not to communicate will still give off nonverbal cues or visual cues. I learned that impersonal was a word. (even though I already pretty much knew it was a thing, now I had a word to go with the meaning) There is a big difference in how you interact with people who you have interpersonal relationships verse impersonal ones. We should strive to have strong interpersonal ones, but having impersonal ones can be beneficial to us as well. I learned that all relationships serve a purpose to us. Some relationships can be task oriented whereas others may not be task oriented, but more for our own pleasure. I learned that having self knowledge is very important in life. If you ever are faced with a conflict it is essential that you know what kind of ways you typically deal with problems in order to figure out a correct way to approach the situation. It doesn’t hurt to also see what kind of conflict style the person you’re in a conflict with has as well. There are many four positions on a conflict (the pillow method) which can determine how willingly the person can be swayed to compromise on an issue. I learned that I am more of a friend who compromises to avoid conflict and that I can be passive aggressive sometimes. I have friends who act directly aggressive. They say opposites attract but we also look for people who are similar to ourselves. We like people who generally like us too. We did a lot of activities and skits in this class that helped us all be able to relate to the people around us. Being able to put yourself in another person’s shoes can make a world of difference. I feel much more confident in my abilities to mediate between my friends and live my life a little more out of my shell. Lastly, I just want to say, I hope I contributed enough in class and not in a way that created any annoyance. (That was never my intent if I was annoying.) I was always very excited to come to this class and I’ll miss it. My favorite memory from class was probably a tie between when my professor brought her dog to class, (Seriously her dog was so adorable it was prancing around the room and had a smile on its face.) and when we did the fun small group activities.

Interpersonal Com Blog 9

I feel like this blog will be a lot of babbling so in advance, I apologize. My group and I were tasked with the challenge of creating an invention or service and pitching this idea/service to both my professor and classmates! We were really excited until we realized we didn’t have an idea… We had a hard time figuring out what we wanted to do for our Group Sales Project. I had major creatively block that even a shower couldn’t fix. (That’s really rare for me.) My group and I switched our ideas almost every time we met. When we were shooting off ideas no one would really say anything, but there were always nonverbal cues like becoming silent, avoiding eye contact, etc. Which is typical when you do not want to hurt people’s feelings. A lot of the “But” statements were used during those talks and compliment sandwiches too. “I really like your idea, but I don’t think that it’s right for this project” or “That’s creative! I don’t really think it will reach the student audience though. But you’re awesome with coming up with ideas!” I think the group problem solving really did make us all become closer. We all interact with one another better than we did before. It was not because we were getting along that we couldn’t come to an agreement about what to use as our invention, it was more that we all had ideas that we felt were number one and none of us were seeing it in each other’s ideas. Then we hit the creativity road block because all the ideas we had thought of previously were shot down. We did finally reach a decision though. We ended up taking two of the ideas and created one thing out of a combination of the two. Goooo compromise! (There’s a cheerleading movie on right now while I’m writing this blog.) It was pretty amazing how fast we gave everybody jobs to start working after we finally had an idea. Justin just started handing them out. Justin is doing the infomercial speech in the beginning and Erik will be acting along with him as he is talking to our audience. Allie is in charge of the costumer reviews. I am in charge of the name of the product, (Which I’m calling Freewrite) the overall design of the product, and the design of the product’s logo. I feel like my role in this is kinda small because I will not be physically doing anything during the presentation, but I do think that Justin and Erik are better suited for the talking and acting parts. Allie and I are more shy so this is probably better. We are utilizing our strengths as a group which is super important. They said I am more artistically inclined so they wanted to use that skill. I really hope that this goes well today and that there are no awkward silences. Hopefully we can keep up the energy till the end. We watched infomercials just to look at how they structure their sales pitches. I have to give it to the people who do those. They are pretty hard to do! You only have 30 minutes or the shortened ones are as low as 30 seconds to impress your viewer and get them to buy your product. It’s as nerve racking as en elevator pitch for a movie or a screen play. Definitely an underestimated art.

Interpersonal Com Blog #8

Last class we finished up the Date Me exercise and did some small group work activities. Have you ever had an experience that even after it’s conclusion you are dumb founded by how it ended? That’s how I feel about the Date Me exercise. I’m not sure it was unpleasant as much as it was a kinda shocking experience. It was a bit awkward having to say out loud what you’d want to find in your ideal someone because I’ve never been asked to do that before. Though it was awkward, it wasn’t until the guys started shooting their mouths off that I truly felt uncomfortable. I know I’ve always been more sensitive and I shouldn’t have taken their words at full value, but what they said rubbed me the wrong way. I wasn’t the only girl who felt like that either. (All the girls talked together as we left that day.) As the guys added more and more things to the board without any hesitation, my self conscious level went threw the roof and all I wanted to do was crawl into a hole to avoid their eye sight. I was looking at the list and asking myself of how much on that list would I ever actually be able to fit into? Do all guys really think how our class’ guys feel? Probably not… but it still showed me a side to them that made me leery of what the outside world’s expectations are. You could really tell how we were all brought up to fit into our little boxes of gender roles. Boxes that are only big enough to move and talk in certain ways. If you break your box, the world crushes you with it’s full force of disapproval. When the guys were talking not everything they said was “bad.” They were just being honest like my professor asked so I would never fault any of them. As you can guess the parts that bothered me weren’t the parts about never wanting to go to farms or apple picking. (In fact, that part was pretty funny considering my mom drags my dad to things like that every once in awhile.) No, it was what they said about not wanting their women to have “sloppy bodies” and that they “had to look good in a swim suit.” Oh, and let’s not forget my favorite, “has to look good with makeup as well as without.” Plus they had to “eat clean” and “not be picky”, which basically means eating all the things THEY approve of. I hope a lot of those guys as well as us girls understand that though we said our idealized versions of how we would like someone that we date to be. In reality, you may meet your soul mate and they may only have not even 5% of what was on your list. We have to be willing to bend on our expectations and realize we are dealing with real people here... So after the Date Me exercise we split off into small groups and had a series of tasks to do with our group. In order to complete all the the tasks, you guessed it, we all had to work together. (These are called subordinate goals.) I think my group had problems when we did our first group presentation, but the small group tasks went surprisingly well. Each one of us was able to provide something that benefitted the group as a whole! Justin and Erik came up with the idea of squeezing each other’s shoulders for the counting task. I built the card house because I had steady hands, and my group helped give me the cards or replace ones if they had fallen. Allie and Justin took charge for the cheese pieces game and we all helped out when we could. For the photo game we all made a game plan together and ran as fast as we could to get everything! We were running through piles of leaves and through grass etc. (The people at the front desk of the library looked so confused as we ran past to go out, and another group ran in after us.) I had never played the headbands game or the Mad Gab either. My brain doesn’t work when it comes to playing Mad Gab. Good thing was, my group and I failed together and were laughing our butts off the whole time. (Justin did totally guess one right and we were all freaking out. Yay accomplishments!) Headbands was fun because we all had to rely on each other and could act silly as a group. It was definitely an interesting class day. I hope the bonding stuff will help us for when we do our next presentation!!    

Interpersonal com blog 7

Last week we talked a lot about relationships. When you start talking to a new person, what do you notice first? Some people will say they noticed the person’s outward appearance first, and others may say they noticed the person’s personality first. Whether we agree with it or not, most first impressions are made on the person’s outward appearance though. Unless I talk to the person on the phone first before meeting them in person, I will even admit to sometimes judging people by their outward appearances. In the early stages of a relationship, appearance can play a big role. This isn’t just in romantic relationships either. This can go for all types of relationships. When you meet a boss for the first time you wouldn’t want to seem unprofessional, so how do you dress? Usually to impress. I dress much nicer than I would on a regular day and do my hair up a lot more than usual. When you meet an important person even your typical way to converse with the changes. We are taught to become different versions of ourselves in order to address our day to day life situations. When you meet a new friend for the first time do you ever find yourself on your best behavior? Maybe even talking differently than you would with say a friend you’ve known for many years? It is possible that that the reason you sought out the friendship was because of your similarity or polar opposite behavior of them. We like people who are like us, but they also say “opposites attract.” It is actually very common for people to “seek out” or find others that are similar to themselves. At the same time people who are polar opposite can also provide the same amount of stimulation in the friendship. Obviously there will always be exceptions to these claims, but we do typically just like people who like us. I had friends in the past that had people saying they hated them from school. Most often my friend would respond with, well I hate that person too so whatever! It’s a defense mechanism we all have to protect ourselves. If someone hates you, aren’t you more likely to fall back on the fact that they dislike you and start to dislike them as well? I can’t say I’ve never felt that way. I do my best to never hate people though. I can allow myself to hate what the person has done, but I can’t hate the person. It doesn’t seem right to me. Hate is like a poisonous plant in your heart. It grows and grows until your heart is being strangled by its vines. Anyway so in relationships with others, one easy way to tell how close the people are, is literally their distance from one another. When you meet someone for the first time, you typically are not all up in their bubble. I wouldn’t be, but you do you. When people who are very used to that kind of physical closeness breech someone else’s bubble it seriously weirds us out. It goes against our social norms as a society. Now, for people who are dating, family, or close friends, we can totally understand why their would be a physical closeness. Proximity is key. You can also tell how close two people are on the amount of disclosure they share with one another. Not everyone prefers to share, but even with those people, their close friends will know more than the rest of the world will ever know. Relationships are pretty complex and fragile things to me. They’re precious because they can change at any moment.

Interpersonal Com Blog #6

One of the number one things you should feel leery about bringing up in public is most definitely politics. This election season is no exception. If anything, I’d say the tension about who to vote for is stronger than it’s ever been. The candidate’s personalities are polar opposites, as well as the majority of their supporter’s beliefs. It has created several problems that will surely become worse after the election is over. Will each sides supporters be able to accept “defeat” if the other side ends up the victor? Hopefully the divide in America’s people will be able to be patched up. During the final debate my class and I watched as both candidates passionately debated their causes and became even ruthless towards one another. Many TV show hosts said that this debate was Trumps best. Others say that Hilary definitely held her own and her strong composure was what made her seem to triumph over Trump. There were many uncomfortable moments of nonverbal communication that occurred during the debate. It all started with the looks they exchanged with each other followed by breaking years of tradition by not shaking each other’s hands. That showed just how personal these campaigns have gotten. Trump was seen making a type of gestures called manipulators. He kept looking down and shuffling through his notecards, drinking water, and the constant heavily breathing/sniffling while he was talking. When Hilary was faced with uneasiness at what Trump was saying, or if she thought what he was saying was ridiculous she would make a sort of laughing/smiling face. When this would happen they would cut the camera from her face because she was heavily criticized for it in previous debates. Trump also tried to keep a more composed face due to his vast criticisms about his death stare he had towards Hilary in the previous debates. Hilary speaks very concisely and seems to be able to flow her sentences very well with few “ums” or “uhs” unless she was caught off guard by Trump. Trump tends to use more casual speech which included several vocalized pauses or “uhs” and “ums.” I noticed he often repeats his statements twice to try to get a point across, or just to cut Hilary off. He did this when speaking about the abortion topic. He repeated the gruesome comment about ripping a baby out of the womb on the last day before its due. When he makes bold statements he uses the shock value to take away from Hilary’s counters. Another time he repeated himself was when he says the phrase “Believe me” or “Wrong.” Both candidates were guilty of getting louder in order to speak over one another. It was like watching children trying to plead their case to their mom about who did what. At one point while talking about foreign policy Hilary said Trump would be a puppet president. He spat back “I’m not a puppet, you’re a puppet.” Honestly I laughed a little. It made me think about when my sister and I were younger and we’d have the argument “I’m not stupid, you are!” Hilary used many understatements in her speeches when describing Trump’s behaviors to make a shock value impact. While Trump stayed with his strategy of stating Hilary’s behaviors again and again to make sure she had to re-explain her innocence all over again. (Especially about the emails.) While Trump got at Hilary for the emails, she personally attacked him about his “locker room talk” scandal. Both candidates definitely came to fight. Not in an entirely professional way either. They used avoidance tactics and were not afraid to be at each other’s throats. We as a nation have to be prepared for this next presidency. It is very important to go out and vote. I know many people have been saying “But my vote won’t matter.” Yes, yes it still does. So please go and try to pick a candidate or let them know if you refuse to vote, but go and write it on the ballot then. At least you showed initiative that you went out to support your country even if you were displeased with the candidates conduct. So go out and vote!!!    

Interpersonal Communications Blog #5

We hear a lot of sounds everyday, but it’s not until you begin to listen that you are able to transform those sounds and decode them. Certain sounds transform into language, while others may blend into background noise. When you walk down the street and truly listen, what kinds of things do you hear? Listen for comfortable everyday chatter. Then listen for more unique in-depth interactions. Did you overhear a passionate confession between two partners or maybe a lover’s quarrel on a front stoop? When the mailman was talking to the old woman on the corner, did he stop to actually listen to how her day was going after he asked, or did his response feel robotically programmed? We hear sounds, but we do not always put in the effort to actually listen to them. In many cases, people love to talk about their days, yet when the tables are flipped we do not always want to listen to how other people’s were. Mindless listening occurs when a person reacts to another’s message automatically and routinely, without much personal investment. I am guilty of mindless listening to others, just as they have done it to me. It is impossible to be one hundred percent invested in every conversation you have twenty-four seven. You would be so worn out. So never get too down on yourself for accidentally doing it, but being aware of how often you do it is important. People appreciate heartfelt feedback to the things they took the time to share with you. So even on your worst days, where nothing has gone right and you are ready to blow your top, listen to the things they have to say with a smile and talk with them about their day. When you support others, they will more often than not support you back. Give them a couple minutes of your time and really listen to what they have to say. Then they will listen to what you have to say in return. By you actively listening to them, it tells them you value them. Another way to show people you value them is letting them know that you can recall previous information they have disclosed to you. For example, saying to your friend that hates chocolate, “I remembered you don’t like chocolate so I got us sugar cookies instead.” Remembering the little things someone told you gives them a special feeling and makes them more inclined to remember things about you. It shows that not only were you listening, but you took the care to remember that fact about them. I personally love when people take the time to remember things I’ve told them. I try very hard to write down important things about my friends (Birthdays, favorite colors, etc.) so that if my memory ever fails me, I always have them. I like to believe that my ability to recall what my friends say has helped me strengthen relationships with them. Now on the flip side, an example of listening that can breakdown relationships is called selective listening. Selective listening is only listening to parts of remarks that interest us and rejecting everything else. We do this when we hear commercials on television while listening for the show we were watching to come back on. You most likely couldn’t tell us anything about that commercial, because all you were listening for was the cue that your show was back on. Another form of listening is called pseudolistening. Pseudolistening is an imitation of actually listening. It is like an act put on to fool the speaker. You give the appearance that you are attentive to what they are saying and may even use a nod or a smile every now or again. Yet, your mind is elsewhere. I admit to doing this when my mother gives me a verbal list of things to complete that’s more than three jobs long, or when my sister is lecturing me. Later I find myself asking, “What was I supposed to be doing today?” or “What was my sister yelling at me about?” I am worse about it when I’m tired. My attention span goes out the window and I only hear things that I deem important in that moment. Stress and exhaustion are major causes of people switching into mindless, selective, or pseudolistening modes. It may be super frustrating when you’re on the receiving end, but let’s face it. We all are guilty of doing it. It’s important to be understanding about it to a certain extent. After all, we are only human. Listen to what people have to say and don’t take their words for granted. You don’t know what words could be someone’s last.

Interpersonal Communications Blog #4

During the last class we talked a lot about conflict and how there are many different approaches that can be taken in order to resolve it. Everyone has their own style of dealing with conflict and it goes hand in hand with their type of personality. Shyer individuals may be more prone to taking a passive aggressive approach to the situation. They can have feelings of resentment, anger, or rage that they are unable or unwilling to express directly to others. These feelings are kept to themselves. When some of my friends have problems with others they will let all the bad feelings well up inside them and go as far to ignore or avoid the people they have a problem with. I do this sometimes as well. It does not feel good though. I’m convinced it’s how you end up with an ulcer. Once the problem is resolved you feel so relieved, but at the same time you feel like all your energy has been drained from worrying so much. It’s not considered a healthy approach to a conflict because it often does not resolve the situation because the other party may not even be aware the conflict is happening, and the poor person holding in all those emotions can make themselves sick. On the flip side more outspoken individuals could end up approaching a situation in a more directly aggressive way. Direct aggression can be a person attacking another through character attacks, competence attacks, physical appearance attacks, maledictions, teasing, ridicule, threats, swearing, and nonverbal emblems. I imagine the people who take this approach as pit vipers. They lash out in order to win and have no mercy for the person on the receiving end of the poisonous commentary. Yet, though the approach is labeled as mean in nature, this approach does lay everything out in the open clearly. It can be very harmful to people on the receiving end though, as well as to the relationship. I personally hate conflict with a passion and I am fortunate enough to have friends that hate it as well. When it is necessary for me to step into a conflict situation I will do it, but not happily. I try to be the easy going accommodating friend that lets majority of things go in order to avoid conflict at all costs. That does not mean I let people walk over me though. As my sister says “I would destroy them so fast” if my friends ever tried to yell at me or went straight to aggressively placing blame before calmly speaking to me about it first. My friends know me well enough to know I will immediately get defensive because I try so hard not to do anything to make them mad at me. On a normal day, I can calmly talk things through and bite my tongue even if the situation they are involving me in is ridiculous. I mediate conflicts between my friends very often. I don’t like when people fight, and I honestly can’t stand it. It makes me sick to my stomach that friendships/relationships can be torn apart by a single thing you’ve done. That’s why I typically play the easygoing card. I never want it to be my fault that someone leaves me. With all that seriousness aside I think its really funny nowadays when my sister and I fight. It’s more of a joke to us now, but when we were younger we used to have scream fights that ended with the slamming of doors and not speaking for days. The other day I asked my sister if she thought she was a directly aggressive person when we fight sometimes. My mom walked into the room and started listening in on our conversation. My big sister replies that she’s never aggressive and my mom and I burst out laughing. Mom immediately said, “Sometimes you can be a bit aggressive dear. More in situations between you and your sister though.” I’m glad I’m not the only one that sees it! I have noticed she can be really directly aggressive towards me when we fight. It’s like a switch gets pulled and it’s a hunger games competition to the death on who will win. Our personalities are polar opposites and always have been. Her and I both love people, but I’m not really a social butterfly in the way she is. She often speaks her mind and will shut me down so fast if she doesn’t like what I’m saying. I am more passive in the way that I keep things to myself and try to avoid fighting with her. This is hard because I always feel like she’s egging me on or attacking me, which makes me immediately want to “win” the argument too. Typically, if whatever we’re fighting about is a small matter I let her have her way because it’s much easier and less complaining I have to hear later. When my sister and I are on good terms is when I have the most fun with her and my family. Small losses are welcomed if I can make happy memories with them in the long run.